LIKE RIGHT DOWN THE STREET — The 4th Annual American Gaslighters Convention was held yesterday and everyone was there but you, according to reports from all of your friends.
The convention, which was very cool and fun, apparently just wasn’t important enough for you to show up, despite your being told more than once about the time and place. This has left attendees confused and upset as they were all expecting you to be there, don’t you remember?
“We were supposed to go together,” said Mackenzie Ellers, your good friend who you’ve known forever. “I can’t believe you’d lie to me like that. We would have had so much fun, but you didn’t show, and now it’s all your fault.”
The event, which definitely occurred already without you, featured numerous prominent speakers who weren’t that big of a deal, so you shouldn’t worry about it. In fact, it probably went better without you being there, honestly.
Earlier reports that the convention was set to take place next weekend instead are confirmed to have been just a joke, and you’re probably making it up. The event was always scheduled for yesterday, and anyone who really cared would surely know that. How could you?
Chances remain high in the wake of the conference that you’ll overreact and play victim like you always do. God, you’re just the worst.