AUSTIN, TX — Texas couple Jack and Marie Thompson have parted ways with their week-old infant son Tristan after determining that the child was a “bad culture fit” for their family.
The Thompsons, both aged 27, told adoption agents that they don’t see a productive future partnership with Tristan, and feel that the newborn failed to adequately adjust to the culture and values of their household.
“Well, we aren’t really fans of his approach to infancy, and we’re disappointed with his communication skills,” Jack told press when reached for comment. “Tristan was difficult to talk to and didn’t respond well when we had a meeting about his lack of teamwork. He also struggled during the initial interviews, and ultimately we’ve decided to let him seek other opportunities.”
“We have some pretty high expectations in this household for object permanence and fine motor skills, and Tristan simply isn’t meeting the standard we’ve set,” Jack noted in Tristan’s latest performance evaluation. “The lack of effort he showed towards meeting developmental milestones is something we deemed detrimental to the atmosphere we want to cultivate here.”
The Thompsons, who previously had only two children, are still considering bringing in new family members in the future, even if this attempt “didn’t turn out how we’d hoped.”
“Our daughters Amelia and Jamie were both a natural fit in our team, and we’ve developed real synergy since we brought them on,” Marie said. “Bringing in someone like Tristan risks disrupting the culture we’ve worked hard to establish here, which is regrettable, but in the end it’ll be best for everyone involved.”
Experts say that Tristan will now seek new opportunities in a market where family loyalty is at an all-time low, and competition for open positions is as fierce as ever.