IRVINE, CA – Medical professionals and members of the proletariat were left stunned Thursday when a local leftist infant was found to have simultaneously developed object permanence and class consciousness.
Rosa Marie Herrera, a five-month-old in the Los Angeles metro area, has astounded many in the field of child psychology with her early mastery of cognitive milestones as well as solidarity with members of the working class.
“Here we see on the brain scan that there’s substantially more activity in the regions devoted to recognizing objects and remembering them, and also in the areas that respond to Marxist theory,” Dr. Amber Bass of UCLA Children’s Hospital explained to the press. “Most leftist infants aren’t hitting these milestones until at least eight months.”
The rate of Rosa’s basic cognitive development and awareness of the exploitation of workers shocked medical professionals, said Children’s Hospital director Gregory Haynes.
“Almost immediately, Rosa demanded that objects be returned when they were taken from her, such as wooden blocks, stuffed animals, and the means of production,” Haynes said. “Her grasp on concepts like withheld toys and subjugation of the laboring class through primitive accumulation astounded us at every turn.”
Herrera’s parents have been both surprised and proud of their daughter’s progress, saying that they don’t consider themselves politically involved but are generally familiar with object permanence.
“We could tell she’s a smart one, but she has really blown us away with how precocious and class conscious she’s been,” said Octavio Herrera, Rosa’s father. “Not only can she see that trade unions have disappeared — she knows they’re still out there somewhere, even when we cover her eyes.”
Rosa is still at least a month or two out from becoming fully disillusioned with mainstream liberal activism, according to Haynes, but is well on her way to working-class organizing and crawling.