ICE Tasked With Rounding Up All the Brown Coins
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of the discontinuation of the penny, the Department of Homeland Security announced Monday that ICE will soon begin rounding up…
Democrats to Appoint New Senator to Cuck Chair
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Responding to plummeting approval ratings for party leadership, Senate Democrats announced on Monday that they will move to nominate a new ranking member…
Trump to Oversee Demolition of East Wing of Nation
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced today that he has ordered construction crews to begin demolishing the East Wing of the United States. The project,…
Peter Thiel’s Egg Sac Ruptures, Releasing Hundreds Of Scuttling Tech Founders
SAN FRANCISCO — Rising from his nighttime pit of slime and viscera Tuesday morning, tech industry leader Peter Thiel’s engorged egg sac ruptured, sending hundreds of…
Leftist Infant Simultaneously Develops Object Permanence, Class Consciousness
IRVINE, CA – Medical professionals and members of the proletariat were left stunned Thursday when a local leftist infant was found to have simultaneously developed object…
Parents Give Up Child for Adoption Citing “Bad Culture Fit”
AUSTIN, TX — Texas couple Jack and Marie Thompson have parted ways with their week-old infant son Tristan after determining that the child was a “bad…